Boy Scouts secret file resurrects past abuse for victim

By Jason Sickles, Yahoo!

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By Jason Sickles, Yahoo! | The Lookout – 5 hrs ago

From the BSA's ineligble volunteer file on Curtis Knarich. Click image to view the full report.

[Updated at 4:20 p.m. ET]
PORTLAND, ORE. — Time and trauma have robbed John Buckland of many childhood memories, but he still vividly remembers the night police appeared at his family's home in the summer of 1984.
"They knocked while we were having dinner," recalls Buckland, who was 14 at the time.
The detectives at the front door were armed with lewd photos of boys they had confiscated from Curtis Knarich, Buckland's Boy Scouts troop leader.
"My picture was in those folders," he said. "He had taken pictures of me and tons of other victims."
The crimes occurred at Travis Air Force Base in California where the Buckland family was stationed. Knarich, then 24, was a sergeant and a volunteer assistant scoutmaster.
Months after police came to Buckland's door, Knarich pled guilty to sexually molesting him and 12 other boys. He was shipped off to Fort Leavenworth federal prison.
The Scouts quietly added Knarich to its secret list of ineligible volunteers, but apparently never contacted the Buckland family.
Buckland supressed his abuse for nearly 30 years. (Buckland family photo)
"I was allowed to go through junior high, high school and all those years in my life without any kind of reaching out from them," said Buckland, who drifted off into drugs, crime and eventually his own prison sentence for armed robbery.
"The Boy Scout thing had been buried so deep and so low inside of me," Buckland, now 42, told Yahoo News. "It's the secrecy that kills people."
On Thursday, the Scouts' records on Knarich's expulsion will be a secret no more. Against the Scouts' wishes, the Oregon Supreme Court ordered 20 years of the so-called perversion files to be made public. Knarich is named in a 14-page file chronicling his crimes.
The Boy Scouts of America (BSA), one of the country's oldest and largest youth organizations, has kept the files since 1920 as an internal way of weeding out staff and volunteers accused of child sexual abuse.
The records being released were the centerpiece of a 2010 landmark ruling against the Scouts in which an abuse victim (unrelated to the Buckland case) was awarded nearly $20 million.
The release includes documents on more than 1,200 accused perpetrators between 1965 and 1985 nationwide. The names of alleged victims and people who reported the incidents have been redacted. The Portland law firm responsible for disclosing records put the approximate 14,500 pages online at www.kellyclarkattorney.com, but that site was experiencing slowness as of Thursday afternoon.
Ineligible volunteer files are still maintained today. The BSA says they remain confidential to encourage victims to report abuse. Attorneys for Scout victims disagree.
"There's no reasonable argument that the Scouts can't make this public and let the public see that there is nothing to hide and we are doing things better," attorney Kelly Clark said at Thursday press conference.
The Scouts' 1984 file on Knarich was prompted by a Scouts leader who saw news of his arrest in a local newspaper.
Curtis Knarich spent nearly 20 years in prison. (Florida Dept. of Law Enforcement)
"One of my assistant Scoutmasters has been indicted regarding illicit sex and making advances at children, which includes sodomy and indecent acts with minors," the troop official wrote in a July 1984 letter to BSA national headquarters. "This individual has also taken photographs of minors in various sexual situations."
Yahoo News reached Knarich at a Florida motel where he now lives.
"There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about the lives that I've ruined," he said.
Knarich served 12 years in a military prison and another seven in Florida after being convicted of fondling a 14-year-old boy. He disputes the state charges but says he takes full responsibility for what happened to Buckland and others 30 years ago.
"I was molesting children and that was wrong," said Knarich, now 52. "But I will say this - at that time I saw it as being sexually involved with my peers. I was very immature."
Knarich grew up in scouting and says he earned the coveted Eagle award while growing up in Florida. Despite being placed on the ineligible volunteer list in 1984, the ousted molester said local scouting officials repeatedly called him to volunteer at summer camps after he was released from federal prison.
"Un-freaking believable," attorney Clark said when told of the  interview by Yahoo News.
BSA national spokesman Deron Smith said the ineligible volunteer files, "aren't perfect, and they were never meant to be. They were meant to be a barrier."
Knarich said he eventually informed the local leaders of his past.
"They had no idea," he said. "I went in and asked them to please stop contacting me."
He's now a registered offender in Florida and says he attends therapy regularly.
"I would kill myself before I reoffended," Knarich said while crying over the phone. "I will not do that to a child."
Yahoo News declined his request to not include his name in this story.
"I don't want to do anything to embarrass my family," he said. "I've put them through enough already."
Buckland, on the other hand, said it's an important part of his recovery to be identified by name as a victim.
"I want the Boy Scouts to know my name for once," said Buckland, who was known by his middle name, Mark, when he was younger. "I don't want to be an invisible case number anymore."
Buckland, who was pardoned in 2003 for crimes he committed, said therapy and making amends for his own mistakes in life have changed him. He's happily married, a new father, and proud of firefighting he did as a contractor in Iraq.
He explored a civil suit against the Scouts, but he's well beyond California's strict statute of limitations for filing. Meanwhile, a personal apology, he said, would be a good start.

"It's not about the money," Buckland said. "It's about principle. It's about integrity. It's about the very things they taught us when we were in Scouts."

Meditation for sexual abuse survivors

Sexual abuse is a traumatic event that happens to children of both sexes. It is virtually impossible to have the exact number of children who have been sexually abused due to the silence from both the victim and abuser. Without making the abuse known and receiving the proper help, a sexually abused child will grow into an adult survivor of child abuse. A child or adult survivor of sexual abuse can begin the healing process by focusing or meditating on the truth of the situation not the misperceptions that the abuser plied onto the victim.
A sexual abuse victim is lead to believe many lies that the abuser tells them in order to control the victim and keep the abuse a secret. Often a victim is told they will bring harm to themselves or their loved ones if they break the silence. A victim may be told that they are loved by the abuser more than anyone else, therefore making the self-esteem of the victim dependent on the abuse continuing. A victim may be told they are worthless and deserve to be treated in such a manner and no one will love them if they break the silence. Now a victim is not only being sexually abused, but emotionally abused and forced to become a product of the words and actions of the abuser.
Focusing on positive and realistic statements will begin the process for you to begin the healing you are needing. There are eight truths that every victim needs to acknowledge before healing can begin.

1. I have been abused.

2. I am a victim of a crime against my body and soul.

3. As a victim, I am not in any way responsible for the crime, no matter what I might have experienced or gained as a result of the abuse.

4. Abuse has also damaged my soul.

5. The damage is due to the interweaving dynamics of powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence.

6. My damage is different from other's in extent, intensity, and consequences, but it is worthy to be addressed and worked through no matter what occurred.

7. It will take time to deal with the internal wounds; the process must not be hurried.

8. I must not keep a veil of secrecy and shame over my past, but I am not required to share my past with anyone I feel is untrustworthy or insensitive.

The next step is to write your story. Write a story about your life so far. Use as many details of your life as you feel comfortable. If something bad happened to you then use as many of the details as you feel comfortable with. This will be a great way to see where you have been, where you are now and where you will be. Continue here....

Crystal Bowl Chakra Balancing (playlist)

Guardian Angel Inner Child Healing Meditation

In the Guardian Angel Inner Child Healing meditation, we - as our present adult selves - will travel back in time/space and visit with the child aspect of us at the moment of highest disturbance - at the moment of the dark night of the soul. This is a very beautiful, moving and also extremely powerful and personal inner child healing pattern.

Inner Child Healing Meditation The Guardian Angel This is a very beautiful, moving and also extremely powerful and personal inner child healing meditation. The Guardian Angel meditation can be performed in self help meditation by anyone who can imagine well and keep their focus on an internal story or unfoldment. It is also a beautiful hypnotic journey when guided by a competent hypnotherapist or workshop leader. The Purpose Of The Guardian Angel Meditation In all "time space healing" of a person, but especially in inner child healing, we are dealing with a damaged system, but we are STILL ALIVE today and so we did indeed, survive even the worst trauma and experiences. There was always a time, however, when we didn't think we would make it through. These are the times of highest trauma, and of highest damage; and indeed there can be aspects of us who DO NOT EVEN KNOW THEY ARE STILL ALIVE AT ALL. When that happens, we are in what is known as "soul loss" territory. In the Guardian Angel Inner Child Healing editation, we - as our present adult selves - will travel back in time/space and visit with the aspect of us at the moment of highest disturbance - at the moment of the dark night of the soul. We will do this in a very specific way - we ARE the Guardian Angel, we are just VISITING there, and we will give the one who we were THEN the strength to make it through. What happens when we do this is to RE-CONNECT the then to the now, but without re-living these events; this allows our current strength to flow through to the aspects of our totality who need healing, nutrition, and to become a part of our greater totality once again. For our current self, it will give us a very different perspective of the events and THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE at last. This is true time/space healing for the energy body, the mind, the energy mind and also our physicality, as these events are stored all over our totality in holographic fashion and need to be re-connected. Preparations For The Journey First of all, we need to be calm and clear; and if this is appropriate, we should invite a guide or helper to accompany us on this journey back in time. Find someone who is powerful, steady, loving and you can trust to accompany you. Before you go, be sure to know that on this day, you are NOT a victim nor even a survivor, but that YOU ARE the Guardian Angel, an emissary from the future and a representative of the Creative Order, who will undertake this journey to right what once went wrong, and to bring Even Flow to where there once was chaos. Finding The Child Now, and this does NOT need great hypnosis or preparation, we will simply fly back in time and space, to those events back then, the exact time and space where these events took place, rushing fast as time and space do not exist in these dimensions and no distance is greater than it cannot be traversed with a blink of the eye. Find yourself near the place and in the time when the events did occur. You are not a part of this time but a visitor from another dimension, and the participants here cannot see you, but as you observe the events and remain steady and calm, focus entirely on your past self, at this their worst time of life, and it is your job to give your attention, send your energy of love, support and sustenance, to give your strength as your past self battles with those events. Fulfil the role of the Guardian Angel absolutely, and use the power you have here to support your past self THROUGH these events, so that they will come out of it alive at least, that they will be together enough not to die, and that they will live, live long enough for this day to have come so that YOU TODAY can have returned and closed the loop, completed the healing. The Final Walk Through Now, there is one thing left to do, and that is to make your past self aware that you are there. This is accomplished by walking straight into and THROUGH your past self so that you come out on the other side and are able to turn around and those events and that time is then BEHIND YOU. This is an extraordinary energetic movement and physical experience; you will KNOW that something extraordinary has happened when you have completed this "walk through" and you turn around and look at your past self one more time. You will then know that they knew that you were there, and that you were really there, and that you DID help them make it through - you are the Guardian Angel for real. A Time Of Rest & Reflection Just reading this doesn't give you a sense how powerful this actually is, nor how much of a change this does produce in your totality. When you have done this, however, you will know; and you will appreciate that you need a time of rest and reflection as all these dissonant strands of your time/space alignments come into a new harmony. My best wishes on your journey and to all you are, Dr Silvia Hartmann If you understand this kind of energy and healing work, and you would like to learn more, we recommend Dr Hartmann's Project Sanctuary. Visit The Healing Angels Here!

Posted Apr 21, 2009

How to Design a Meditation Room in Your Home

Ten Cheap and Easy Tips for Designing an In-Home Meditation Room

 Meditation has a different meaning for everyone. Generally, it is a discipline by which one ceases to think as usual and attempts to reach a deep level of relaxation or awareness. To many, meditation is simply a peaceful act of quiet reflection. Whatever meditation means to you, it is important to have a special, secluded place where you meditate. A meditation room creates an environment in which it is easy to relax our bodies and minds. The perfect meditation room should reflect who you are. In designing the area, you should consider all the things you hold dear - your deepest dreams, passions and feelings. It should be a place to relax, renew and re-energize yourself. A place where you can breathe, think, feel, or just be. You can even think of it as the threshold between the spiritual and physical worlds.

While having your own meditation room may seem like a luxury, it is actually quite easy and affordable to create one of your own. A meditation room is meant to be a serene and calm, to serve as your own personal place of peace and tranquility. Although most of us can't afford to devote an entire room to meditation, it is quite possible to create a wonderful area to de-stress without a feng shui expert or interior designer. If you have an extra room, great! If not, any unused space where you are least likely to be disturbed will do. Simply choose from a balcony, garage, tool shed, attic, walk-in closet, basement, sunroom, or a quiet corner of your house. Even a chair on your porch or under a tree in your back yard will do. Just remember to keep in mind that the area should be quiet, clean, comfortable and clutter free. Once you designate an area, you are ready to start!

Here are 10 cheap and easy tips to design your very own, in-home meditation room:

1. Pick your favorite chair in the house and use it as your meditation chair exclusively. If you prefer to meditate on the floor, find a big, comfy cushion, a bench, or whatever you'd prefer to sit on. Place it in your meditation room. If your room has a window, seat yourself facing the window. If not, place your seat to your liking. The important thing to remember is that once you find a comfortable place for seating, you should keep it. While changing things around once in a while is fine, keeping the area familiar will keep the atmosphere relaxed, and keep you coming back.

2. Bring some of your favorite items into the space. Some good ideas might be photos of loved ones, a vase with fresh flowers or a favorite book. Anything is fine as long as it is not irritating to the eye and does not disturb your sense of peace.

3. Keep the area as empty and free of useless stuff as possible. It is definitely fine to have some of your favorite objects around, but clutter is never, ever calming.

4. If you are using a small corner of your home, putting up folding screens is a good way to make the space more personal. If you don't wish to invest in a screen, try a curtain or a sheet when you need privacy.

5. Lighting is important. While many prefer to use candles, some like to use a dim lamp. The light in your meditation room must not be bright unless it is natural sunlight. Use candles, a desk lamp, or even a floor lamp with a dimmer to create a lighting effect which is not dark enough to make you sleepy, yet dim enough to make you feel at ease.

6. Many people prefer to use items such as scented candles, incense or scented oils for aromatherapy while they meditate. I recommend these items for not only those who love aromatherapy but those who have trouble relaxing their minds. Concentrating on a scent is a good technique to distract your mind and find that place of inner calm.

7. Stereo systems and CD players are also great to have in your meditation room. There are many tapes and CDs created especially with the purpose of meditation in mind. There are various options to consider, such as rhythmic music, sounds of nature, chants or hymns. These sounds are not only designed to help you to relax, they're also great for drowning out the goings on of the rest of your household.
8. Do not, under any circumstances, bring your cell phone or laptop into your meditation space. The point is to disconnect and reflect, not to stay connected.

9. Keep some paper and pencils or pens around to write down whatever ideas may come to you while you are meditating. Oftentimes meditation can be an almost dreamlike state, making our ideas and reflections difficult to remember when we return to our regular state. Keeping some writing utensils handy will help you record your thoughts on the spot.

10. Keep the four elements of the Earth in mind when designing your space. Fire, water, earth and air are the four elements. They are just as essential to your space as they are to life. Air is already in your meditation room, so you need not worry about that. Candles will provide fire, and a cup of water can take care of the water aspect. For earth, consider a plant instead of a vase of flowers to bring life into your meditation room.
While creating your meditation room, remember to use your intuition. Your meditation room is your own sacred place. When you feel the worries of your day melt away as you enter your new space, you have successfully designed a meditation room of your own.

Sonya Arnold, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Sep 5, 2008 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites