Keyon Dooling's history of abuse (VIDEO)

Keyon Dooling stayed in a psychiatric hospital this summer, talks with Katie Couric about his history of abuse (VIDEO)

http://sports.yahoo.com/blogs/nba-ball-dont-lie/keyon-dooling-stayed-psychiatric-hospital-summer-talks-katie-225458656--nba.html

Boy Scouts secret file resurrects past abuse for victim

By Jason Sickles, Yahoo!

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By Jason Sickles, Yahoo! | The Lookout – 5 hrs ago

From the BSA's ineligble volunteer file on Curtis Knarich. Click image to view the full report.

[Updated at 4:20 p.m. ET]
PORTLAND, ORE. — Time and trauma have robbed John Buckland of many childhood memories, but he still vividly remembers the night police appeared at his family's home in the summer of 1984.
"They knocked while we were having dinner," recalls Buckland, who was 14 at the time.
The detectives at the front door were armed with lewd photos of boys they had confiscated from Curtis Knarich, Buckland's Boy Scouts troop leader.
"My picture was in those folders," he said. "He had taken pictures of me and tons of other victims."
The crimes occurred at Travis Air Force Base in California where the Buckland family was stationed. Knarich, then 24, was a sergeant and a volunteer assistant scoutmaster.
Months after police came to Buckland's door, Knarich pled guilty to sexually molesting him and 12 other boys. He was shipped off to Fort Leavenworth federal prison.
The Scouts quietly added Knarich to its secret list of ineligible volunteers, but apparently never contacted the Buckland family.
Buckland supressed his abuse for nearly 30 years. (Buckland family photo)
"I was allowed to go through junior high, high school and all those years in my life without any kind of reaching out from them," said Buckland, who drifted off into drugs, crime and eventually his own prison sentence for armed robbery.
"The Boy Scout thing had been buried so deep and so low inside of me," Buckland, now 42, told Yahoo News. "It's the secrecy that kills people."
On Thursday, the Scouts' records on Knarich's expulsion will be a secret no more. Against the Scouts' wishes, the Oregon Supreme Court ordered 20 years of the so-called perversion files to be made public. Knarich is named in a 14-page file chronicling his crimes.
The Boy Scouts of America (BSA), one of the country's oldest and largest youth organizations, has kept the files since 1920 as an internal way of weeding out staff and volunteers accused of child sexual abuse.
The records being released were the centerpiece of a 2010 landmark ruling against the Scouts in which an abuse victim (unrelated to the Buckland case) was awarded nearly $20 million.
The release includes documents on more than 1,200 accused perpetrators between 1965 and 1985 nationwide. The names of alleged victims and people who reported the incidents have been redacted. The Portland law firm responsible for disclosing records put the approximate 14,500 pages online at www.kellyclarkattorney.com, but that site was experiencing slowness as of Thursday afternoon.
Ineligible volunteer files are still maintained today. The BSA says they remain confidential to encourage victims to report abuse. Attorneys for Scout victims disagree.
"There's no reasonable argument that the Scouts can't make this public and let the public see that there is nothing to hide and we are doing things better," attorney Kelly Clark said at Thursday press conference.
The Scouts' 1984 file on Knarich was prompted by a Scouts leader who saw news of his arrest in a local newspaper.
Curtis Knarich spent nearly 20 years in prison. (Florida Dept. of Law Enforcement)
"One of my assistant Scoutmasters has been indicted regarding illicit sex and making advances at children, which includes sodomy and indecent acts with minors," the troop official wrote in a July 1984 letter to BSA national headquarters. "This individual has also taken photographs of minors in various sexual situations."
Yahoo News reached Knarich at a Florida motel where he now lives.
"There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about the lives that I've ruined," he said.
Knarich served 12 years in a military prison and another seven in Florida after being convicted of fondling a 14-year-old boy. He disputes the state charges but says he takes full responsibility for what happened to Buckland and others 30 years ago.
"I was molesting children and that was wrong," said Knarich, now 52. "But I will say this - at that time I saw it as being sexually involved with my peers. I was very immature."
Knarich grew up in scouting and says he earned the coveted Eagle award while growing up in Florida. Despite being placed on the ineligible volunteer list in 1984, the ousted molester said local scouting officials repeatedly called him to volunteer at summer camps after he was released from federal prison.
"Un-freaking believable," attorney Clark said when told of the  interview by Yahoo News.
BSA national spokesman Deron Smith said the ineligible volunteer files, "aren't perfect, and they were never meant to be. They were meant to be a barrier."
Knarich said he eventually informed the local leaders of his past.
"They had no idea," he said. "I went in and asked them to please stop contacting me."
He's now a registered offender in Florida and says he attends therapy regularly.
"I would kill myself before I reoffended," Knarich said while crying over the phone. "I will not do that to a child."
Yahoo News declined his request to not include his name in this story.
"I don't want to do anything to embarrass my family," he said. "I've put them through enough already."
Buckland, on the other hand, said it's an important part of his recovery to be identified by name as a victim.
"I want the Boy Scouts to know my name for once," said Buckland, who was known by his middle name, Mark, when he was younger. "I don't want to be an invisible case number anymore."
Buckland, who was pardoned in 2003 for crimes he committed, said therapy and making amends for his own mistakes in life have changed him. He's happily married, a new father, and proud of firefighting he did as a contractor in Iraq.
He explored a civil suit against the Scouts, but he's well beyond California's strict statute of limitations for filing. Meanwhile, a personal apology, he said, would be a good start.

"It's not about the money," Buckland said. "It's about principle. It's about integrity. It's about the very things they taught us when we were in Scouts."

Boy Scout Files

 

"Perversion files" show locals helped cover up

By NIGEL DUARA | Associated Press – 14 mins ago

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PORTLAND, Ore.

(AP) — Again and again, decade after decade, an array of authorities — police chiefs, prosecutors, pastors and local Boy Scout leaders among them — quietly shielded scoutmasters and others accused of molesting children, a newly opened trove of confidential papers shows.

At the time, those authorities justified their actions as necessary to protect the good name and good works of Scouting, a pillar of 20th century America. But as detailed in 14,500 pages of secret "perversion files" released Thursday by order of the Oregon Supreme Court, their maneuvers allowed sexual predators to go free while victims suffered in silence.

The files are a window on a much larger collection of documents the Boy Scouts of America began collecting soon after their founding in 1910. The files, kept at Boy Scout headquarters in Texas, consist of memos from local and national Scout executives, handwritten letters from victims and their parents and newspaper clippings about legal cases. The files contain details about proven molesters, but also unsubstantiated allegations.

The allegations stretch across the country and to military bases overseas, from a small town in the Adirondacks to downtown Los Angeles.

At the news conference Thursday, Portland attorney Kelly Clark blasted the Boy Scouts for their continuing legal battles to try to keep the full trove of files secret.

"You do not keep secrets hidden about dangers to children," said Clark, who in 2010 won a landmark lawsuit against the Boy Scouts on behalf of a plaintiff who was molested by an assistant scoutmaster in the 1980s.

The Associated Press obtained copies of the files weeks ahead of Thursday's release and conducted an extensive review of them, but agreed not to publish the stories until the files were released. Clark was releasing the documents to the public online at www.kellyclarkattorney.com ; he said the website was operating slowly Thursday because so many people were trying to access it.

The files were shown to a jury in a 2010 Oregon civil suit that the Scouts lost, and the Oregon Supreme Court ruled the files should be made public. After months of objections and redactions, the Scouts and Clark released them.

In many instances — more than a third, according to the Scouts' own count — police weren't told about the reports of abuse. And even when they were, sometimes local law enforcement still did nothing, seeking to protect the name of Scouting over their victims.

Victims like three brothers, growing up in northeast Louisiana.
On the afternoon of Aug. 10, 1965, their distraught mother walked into the third floor of the Ouachita Parish Sheriff's Office. A 31-year-old scoutmaster, she told the chief criminal deputy, had raped one of her sons and molested two others.

Six days later, the scoutmaster, an unemployed airplane mechanic, sat down in front of a microphone in the same station, said he understood his rights and confessed: He had sexually abused the woman's sons more than once.

"I don't know how to tell it," the man told a sheriff's deputy. "They just occurred — I don't know an explanation, why we done it or I done it or wanted to do it or anything else it just — an impulse I guess or something.

"As far as an explanation I just couldn't dig one up."

He wouldn't have to. Seven days later, the decision was made not to pursue charges against the scoutmaster.

The last sliver of hope for justice for the abuse of two teenagers and an 11-year-old boy slipped away in a confidential letter from a Louisiana Scouts executive to the organization's national personnel division in New Jersey.

"This subject and Scouts were not prosecuted," the executive wrote, "to save the name of Scouting."

In a statement on Thursday, Scouts spokesman Deron Smith said" ''There is nothing more important than the safety of our Scouts."

Smith said there have been times when Scouts' responses to sex abuse allegations were "plainly insufficient, inappropriate, or wrong" and the organization extends its "deepest and sincere apologies to victims and their families."

___

An Associated Press review of the files found that the story of these brothers and their scoutmaster, however horrendous, was not unique.

The files released Thursday were collected between 1959 and 1985, with a handful of others from later years. Some have been released previously, but others — those from prior to 1971, including the story of the three scouts in Ouachita Parish — have been made public for the first time.

The documents reveal that on many occasions the files succeeded in keeping pedophiles out of Scouting leadership positions — the reason why they were collected in the first place. But the files are also littered with horrific accounts of alleged pedophiles who were able to continue in Scouting because of pressure from community leaders and local Scouts officials.

The files also document other troubling patterns. There is little mention in the files of concern for the welfare of Scouts who were abused by their leaders, or what was done for the victims. But there are numerous documents showing compassion for alleged abusers, who were often times sent to psychiatrists or pastors to get help.

In 1972, a local Scouting executive beseeched national headquarters to drop the case against a suspected abuser because he was undergoing professional treatment and was personally taking steps to solve his problem. "If it don't stink, don't stir it," the local executive wrote.

Scouting's efforts to keep abusers out were often disorganized. There's at least one memo from a local Scouting executive pleading for better guidance on how to handle abuse allegations. Sometimes the pleading went the other way, with national headquarters begging local leaders for information on suspected abusers, and the locals dragging their feet.
In numerous instances, alleged abusers are kicked out of Scouting but show up in jobs where they are once again in authority positions dealing with youths.

The files also show Scouting volunteers serving in the military overseas, molesting American children living abroad and sometimes continuing to molest after returning to the states.

But one of the most startling revelations to come from the files is the frequency with which attempts to protect Scouts from molesters collapsed at the local level, at times in collusion with community leaders.

It happened when a local district attorney declined to prosecute two confessed offenders; when a three-judge panel included two men on the local Scouting executive board; when law enforcement sought to protect the name of Scouting and let an admitted child molester go free.

Their actions represent a stark betrayal, says Clark, who won the case that opened the files to public view. "It's kind of a deal. The deal is, our society will give you incredible status and respect, Norman Rockwell will paint pictures of you, and in exchange for that, you take care of our kids," Clark said. "That's the deal, incredible respect and privilege. But there was a worm in the apple."

The Louisiana case certainly contained all the essentials for a police investigation and, perhaps, a conviction: The scoutmaster admitted to raping a 17-year-old boy on a camping trip and otherwise sexually molesting two other boys; the victims corroborated his confession. But evidently, no charges were ever filed.
The man was let off with a warning that should he be found with young men in the future, he was subject to immediate incarceration at the state prison.

The man "was asked to leave the parish, and if he was caught around or near any boy or youth organization, he would be sent to state prison immediately," a Scouting executive wrote to national headquarters. "We are indeed sorry that Scouting was involved."

___

With the deadline to disclose the files looming, the Scouts in late September made public an internal review of the files and said they would look into past cases to see whether there were times when men they suspected of sex abuse should have been reported to police.

The files showed a "very low" incidence of abuse among Scout leaders, said psychiatrist Dr. Jennifer Warren, who conducted the review with a team of graduate students and served as an expert witness for the Scouts in the 2010 case that made the files public. Her review of the files didn't take into account the number of files destroyed on abusers who turned 75 years old or died, something she said would not have significantly affected the rate of abuse or her conclusions.

The rate of abuse among Scouts is the not the focus of their critics — it is, rather, their response to allegations of abuse. In the case of the files from 1965 to 1985, most salient is the complicity of local officials in concealing the abuse by Scouts leaders.

Warren told the AP such complicity "was simply quite a natural desire to want to be somewhat protective over (the BSA)."

Certain cases, well-detailed by the Scouts, illustrate how it happened.
In Newton, Kan., in 1961, the county attorney had what he needed for a prosecution: Two men were arrested and admitted that they had molested Scouts in their care.

One of the men said he held an all-night party at his house, during which he brought 10 boys, one by one, into a room where he committed, in his words, "immoral acts." The same man said he had molested Scouts on an outing two weeks prior to the interrogation.

But neither man was prosecuted. Once again, a powerful local official sought to preserve the name of Scouting.

The entire investigation, the county attorney wrote, was brought about with the cooperation of a local district Scouts executive, who was kept apprised of the investigation's progress into the men, who had affiliations with both the Scouts and the local YMCA.

"I came to the decision that to openly prosecute would cause great harm to the reputations of two organizations which we have involved here — the Boy Scouts of America and the local YMCA," he wrote in a letter to a Kansas Scouting executive.

He went on to say that the community would have to pay too great a price for the punishment of the two men. "The damage thusly done to these organizations would be serious and lasting," he wrote.

___

When cases against Scouts volunteers or executives went forward, locals often tried and sometimes managed to keep the organization's name out of court documents and the media, protecting a valuable brand.

In Johnstown, Pa., in August 1962, a married 25-year-old steel mill worker with a high school education pleaded guilty to "serious morals" violations involving Scouts.
The Scouting executive who served as both mayor and police chief made sure of one thing: The Scouting name was never brought up. It went beyond the mayor to the members of a three-judge panel, who also deemed it important to keep the Scouts' names out of the press.

"No mention of Scouting was involved in the case in as much as two of the three judges who pronounced sentence are members of our Executive Board," the Scouts executive wrote to the national personnel division.

In Rutland, Vt., in 1964, William J. Moreau pleaded guilty to "having lewd relations" with an 11-year-old Scout, according to a contemporary newspaper account. According to the files, the 11-year-old was one of a dozen Scouts who stayed overnight at Vermont's Camp Sunrise. The Scouts, as is demonstrated repeatedly in the files, talked to the parents about their concern for "the name of the Scouting movement" if charges were brought, but were rebuffed — the parents were insistent on filing charges.

Moreau, a 27-year-old insurance adjuster and assistant Scoutmaster, resigned his position, but a local prosecutor and the police department made sure the Scouting name was never publicly associated with the crime, despite the fact that the abuse was conducted by a Scoutmaster on Scouts at a Scout camp.

"The States Attorney with whom I talked late last night and the local police assure me they will do everything in their power to keep Scouting's name and Camp Sunrise out of this," a local Scouts executive wrote in a letter to the national council headquarters.

In newspaper clippings attached to the files detailing Moreau's charges and his plea, no mention of the Scouts is ever made.

___
Over the years, the mandatory reporting of suspicions of child abuse by certain professionals would take hold nationally. Each state had its own law, and the federal Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act passed in 1974.

The Scouts, however, wouldn't institute mandatory reporting for suspected child abuse until 2010. They did incorporate other measures, such as a "two-deep" requirement that children be accompanied by at least two adults at all times, and made strides in their efforts to combat pedophilia within their ranks.

According to an analysis of the Scouts' confidential files by Patrick Boyle, a journalist who was the first to expose about efforts by the BSA to hide the extent of sex abuse among Boy Scout leaders, the Scouts documented internally less than 50 cases per year of Scout abuse by adults until 1983, when the reports began to climb, peaking at nearly 200 in 1989.

Attitudes on child sex abuse began to change after the 1974 law, said University of Houston professor Monit Cheung, a former social worker who has authored a book on child sex abuse.

"Before 1974, you could talk to a social worker who could (then) talk to a molester and that could maybe stop abuse," Cheung said, noting that most abuse happens within families.
But mandatory reporting made the failure to report suspected abuse a crime.
"That's the change, that you're no longer hiding the facts of abuse," Cheung said.

The case of Timothy Bagshaw in State College, Pa., is illustrative of the changing national attitude to mandatory reporting. Bagshaw, a Scouts leader, was convicted of two counts of corruption of minors in 1985. But he wasn't the only one to face charges.

The Scouts learned of the abuse months before it was reported, and forced Bagshaw to resign at a meeting, but he wasn't reported to police. That failure was costly for Juanita Valley Council director Roger W. Rauch, who was charged with failure to notify authorities of suspected child abuse.

"I didn't know I was supposed to contact anyone. I felt it was the parents' responsibility," Rauch told the Centre Daily Times in 1984. "We acted very responsibly.

"I'm concerned that this not get blown out of proportion."

______
Reach reporter Nigel Duara on Facebook at http://on.fb.me/RSmBei

___

Associated Press writers Matt Sedensky in West Palm Beach, Fla.; Rebecca Boone in Boise, Idaho; and Shannon Dininny in Yakima, Wash., contributed to this report.

Pennsylvania to execute CSA Survivor Williams on October 3, 2012

The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is preparing to execute Terrance “Terry” Williams on October 3, 2012, in spite of staunch opposition to his execution from the victim’s widow, five jurors from trial, child advocates, former prosecutors and judges, faith leaders, mental health professionals, law professors and others.



Join in asking Governor Corbett, the Board of Pardons, and District Attorney Williams to spare Terrance Williams’ life. Sign the petition at Change

I urgently appeal to Governor Tom Corbett, the Pennsylvania Board of Pardons, and District Attorney Seth Williams to spare Terrance Williams’ life and allow him to be sentenced to life without parole.

Throughout his childhood, Terry suffered prolonged violent physical and sexual abuse from older males. Born into poverty with a violently abusive mother and absent father, Terry faced abuse and neglect in his home that made him vulnerable to sexual predators. He was first raped by an older boy when he was only six years old, and he continued to suffer sexual abuse for the next twelve years.  Like too many other victims of child sexual abuse, Terry received no counseling or support to help him deal with the repeated traumas he endured; in fact, some of the people who were supposed to help Terry preyed on him.

As a teenager, Terry became acquainted with two middle-aged men who used their influence as a church leader and as a sports booster to get access to young boys. These men sexually abused and brutally exploited Terry. After years of suffering unimaginable horrors, when he was 17- and 18-years old, Terry killed these two men – and now faces death.

Terry’s tragic history of abuse was never presented at trial. Because of this, several jurors who sentenced him to death now support commuting his sentence to life without parole. At the time of trial, Terry was traumatized and ashamed of the violence he suffered, and his lawyer did not investigate obvious signs of abuse. The jury thus did not hear any evidence about the relentless abuse Terry faced, nor did they know that the two men he killed were in fact his abusers.

Jurors have stated that that if they had known all the facts about Terry's background and his abuse by the men he killed, they would not have voted for death.

The widow of the man whose killing resulted in Terry’s death sentence has forgiven Terry and does not want him to be executed.  She has found peace and closure and does not wish to see any more loss of life. The victim’s widow has expressed herhope that Governor Corbett, the Board of Pardons, and District Attorney Williams will show Terry mercy.

In addition to the victim’s widow and jurors, there has been an unprecedented outpouring of support from prominent groups and individuals across Pennsylvania. Child advocates, former prosecutors and judges, faith leaders, mental health professionals, law professors and others have publicly supported commuting Terry’s sentence to life without parole.

Terry is deeply remorseful for his actions and prays that the families of the men he killed can find peace.
You can read more about Terry's case, including the numerous letters in support of clemency, here: www.TerryWilliamsClemency.com

Join in asking Governor Corbett, the Board of Pardons, and District Attorney Williams to spare Terrance Williams’ life. Sign the petition at Change

Building Up Your Self-Esteem

Building Up Your Self-Esteem - Use these stepping stones

• Stand and walk with good posture.
• Take a strong commitment and a conscious effort to succeed in building your own self esteem.
• The next time you make a mistake, be forgiving of yourself.
• Redefine "selfish". Learn to love yourself and to take care of your needs effectively. You can get your needs met and still have love in your life.
• Take responsibility for your life and your well-being and STOP taking responsibility for other people's lives. It's great to help people, but they are still responsible for their own situations and actions.
• Spend more time with people who encourage you, and less time with people who discourage you.
• Eat nourishing meals and exercise, and remind yourself that you are worth it.
• As you make new choices, set out a plan and get a support partner.
• Treat yourself with a warm bath, a massage or a good book. Treat yourself with deliberate acts of kindess

The Ten Commandments of Self-Esteem

1. Thou shalt not consort with people who make thee feel bad about thyself.
2. Thou shalt cease trying to make sense of crazy behaviour.
3. Thou shalt not keep company with those more dysfunctional than thyself.
4. Trust thy body all the days of thy life [ Thy mind doth fornicate with thee ].
5. Thou hast permission at all times to say "NO", to change thy mind, and to express thy true feelings.
6. What is not right for thee is not right for thy brethern.
7. Thou shalt not give beyond thine own capacity.
8. What thy brethern think of thee mattereth naught.
9. Wherever thou art, therein also is the party.
10. Thou shalt sing thine own praises all the days of thy life.

[ The Ten Commandments of Self-Esteem  © by Catherine Cardinal.  Thank you for making this information available ]

© 2003 - 2055 by Heart 2 Heart   All Rights Reserved

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The child I was died

Posted with permission....I have been getting glimpses and the feelings that go with them of what went on inside when I was first abused. How the innocent joyful child died that moment, I can feel that deep pain I felt then the loneliness that came on me at that moment and the helplessness and fear.

It am being witness to the death of the child I was and it is not easy to take. Even at that young an age I wondered why what did I do wrong to be hurt like this why did God hate me and want me in hell. My parents will never love a dirty boy and all the boys will know I am dirty no good a bad boy. No one will ever want to be my friend again.

All that as it happened and I was trying to leave my body to avoid the horrible pain in my body and soul. That child died a horrible death and will never be back he has been dead to long. My life was stolen my joy buried my hopes crushed in one instant in one day I was never the same again. I can't save him I can only try and save me from the slow death that started so long ago.

If anyone ever wonders why it is hard to get over try and imagine how you would get over the death or your young innocent child how you could ever get over it. by adult male 50yrs old

Posted by permission...
I have been getting glimpses and the feelings that go with them of what went on inside when I was first abused. How the innocent joyful child died that moment, I can feel that deep pain I felt then the loneliness that came on me at that moment and the helplessness and fear. It am being witness to the death of the child I was and it is not easy to take. Even at that young an age I wondered why what did I do wrong to be hurt like this why did God hate me and want me in hell. My parents will never love a dirty boy and all the boys will know I am dirty no good a bad boy. No one will ever want to be my friend again. All that as it happened and I was trying to leave my body to avoid the horrible pain in my body and soul. That child died a horrible death and will never be back he has been dead to long. My life was stolen my joy buried my hopes crushed in one instant in one day I was never the same again. I can't save him I can only try and save me from the slow death that started so long ago. If anyone ever wonders why it is hard to get over try and imagine how you would get over the death or your young innocent child how you could ever get over it.

For Male Survivors

Myth vs. Reality What is Sexual Assault? What to do if You've JustBeen Sexually Assaulted Remember: You Are Not To Blame The Rape Drug The Aftermath of Sexual Assault Checklist of Reactions to Sexual Assault

Unique Issues Faced by Male Survivors Getting Back on Track Ways to Take Care of Yourself How Family & Friends Can Help Campus & Community Resources at The University of Texas at Austin Self-Help Reading Resources Internet resources

Meditation for sexual abuse survivors

Sexual abuse is a traumatic event that happens to children of both sexes. It is virtually impossible to have the exact number of children who have been sexually abused due to the silence from both the victim and abuser. Without making the abuse known and receiving the proper help, a sexually abused child will grow into an adult survivor of child abuse. A child or adult survivor of sexual abuse can begin the healing process by focusing or meditating on the truth of the situation not the misperceptions that the abuser plied onto the victim.
A sexual abuse victim is lead to believe many lies that the abuser tells them in order to control the victim and keep the abuse a secret. Often a victim is told they will bring harm to themselves or their loved ones if they break the silence. A victim may be told that they are loved by the abuser more than anyone else, therefore making the self-esteem of the victim dependent on the abuse continuing. A victim may be told they are worthless and deserve to be treated in such a manner and no one will love them if they break the silence. Now a victim is not only being sexually abused, but emotionally abused and forced to become a product of the words and actions of the abuser.
Focusing on positive and realistic statements will begin the process for you to begin the healing you are needing. There are eight truths that every victim needs to acknowledge before healing can begin.

1. I have been abused.

2. I am a victim of a crime against my body and soul.

3. As a victim, I am not in any way responsible for the crime, no matter what I might have experienced or gained as a result of the abuse.

4. Abuse has also damaged my soul.

5. The damage is due to the interweaving dynamics of powerlessness, betrayal, and ambivalence.

6. My damage is different from other's in extent, intensity, and consequences, but it is worthy to be addressed and worked through no matter what occurred.

7. It will take time to deal with the internal wounds; the process must not be hurried.

8. I must not keep a veil of secrecy and shame over my past, but I am not required to share my past with anyone I feel is untrustworthy or insensitive.

The next step is to write your story. Write a story about your life so far. Use as many details of your life as you feel comfortable. If something bad happened to you then use as many of the details as you feel comfortable with. This will be a great way to see where you have been, where you are now and where you will be. Continue here....

Crystal Bowl Chakra Balancing (playlist)

Guardian Angel Inner Child Healing Meditation

In the Guardian Angel Inner Child Healing meditation, we - as our present adult selves - will travel back in time/space and visit with the child aspect of us at the moment of highest disturbance - at the moment of the dark night of the soul. This is a very beautiful, moving and also extremely powerful and personal inner child healing pattern.

Inner Child Healing Meditation The Guardian Angel This is a very beautiful, moving and also extremely powerful and personal inner child healing meditation. The Guardian Angel meditation can be performed in self help meditation by anyone who can imagine well and keep their focus on an internal story or unfoldment. It is also a beautiful hypnotic journey when guided by a competent hypnotherapist or workshop leader. The Purpose Of The Guardian Angel Meditation In all "time space healing" of a person, but especially in inner child healing, we are dealing with a damaged system, but we are STILL ALIVE today and so we did indeed, survive even the worst trauma and experiences. There was always a time, however, when we didn't think we would make it through. These are the times of highest trauma, and of highest damage; and indeed there can be aspects of us who DO NOT EVEN KNOW THEY ARE STILL ALIVE AT ALL. When that happens, we are in what is known as "soul loss" territory. In the Guardian Angel Inner Child Healing editation, we - as our present adult selves - will travel back in time/space and visit with the aspect of us at the moment of highest disturbance - at the moment of the dark night of the soul. We will do this in a very specific way - we ARE the Guardian Angel, we are just VISITING there, and we will give the one who we were THEN the strength to make it through. What happens when we do this is to RE-CONNECT the then to the now, but without re-living these events; this allows our current strength to flow through to the aspects of our totality who need healing, nutrition, and to become a part of our greater totality once again. For our current self, it will give us a very different perspective of the events and THE POWER TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE at last. This is true time/space healing for the energy body, the mind, the energy mind and also our physicality, as these events are stored all over our totality in holographic fashion and need to be re-connected. Preparations For The Journey First of all, we need to be calm and clear; and if this is appropriate, we should invite a guide or helper to accompany us on this journey back in time. Find someone who is powerful, steady, loving and you can trust to accompany you. Before you go, be sure to know that on this day, you are NOT a victim nor even a survivor, but that YOU ARE the Guardian Angel, an emissary from the future and a representative of the Creative Order, who will undertake this journey to right what once went wrong, and to bring Even Flow to where there once was chaos. Finding The Child Now, and this does NOT need great hypnosis or preparation, we will simply fly back in time and space, to those events back then, the exact time and space where these events took place, rushing fast as time and space do not exist in these dimensions and no distance is greater than it cannot be traversed with a blink of the eye. Find yourself near the place and in the time when the events did occur. You are not a part of this time but a visitor from another dimension, and the participants here cannot see you, but as you observe the events and remain steady and calm, focus entirely on your past self, at this their worst time of life, and it is your job to give your attention, send your energy of love, support and sustenance, to give your strength as your past self battles with those events. Fulfil the role of the Guardian Angel absolutely, and use the power you have here to support your past self THROUGH these events, so that they will come out of it alive at least, that they will be together enough not to die, and that they will live, live long enough for this day to have come so that YOU TODAY can have returned and closed the loop, completed the healing. The Final Walk Through Now, there is one thing left to do, and that is to make your past self aware that you are there. This is accomplished by walking straight into and THROUGH your past self so that you come out on the other side and are able to turn around and those events and that time is then BEHIND YOU. This is an extraordinary energetic movement and physical experience; you will KNOW that something extraordinary has happened when you have completed this "walk through" and you turn around and look at your past self one more time. You will then know that they knew that you were there, and that you were really there, and that you DID help them make it through - you are the Guardian Angel for real. A Time Of Rest & Reflection Just reading this doesn't give you a sense how powerful this actually is, nor how much of a change this does produce in your totality. When you have done this, however, you will know; and you will appreciate that you need a time of rest and reflection as all these dissonant strands of your time/space alignments come into a new harmony. My best wishes on your journey and to all you are, Dr Silvia Hartmann If you understand this kind of energy and healing work, and you would like to learn more, we recommend Dr Hartmann's Project Sanctuary. Visit The Healing Angels Here!

Posted Apr 21, 2009

How to Design a Meditation Room in Your Home

Ten Cheap and Easy Tips for Designing an In-Home Meditation Room

 Meditation has a different meaning for everyone. Generally, it is a discipline by which one ceases to think as usual and attempts to reach a deep level of relaxation or awareness. To many, meditation is simply a peaceful act of quiet reflection. Whatever meditation means to you, it is important to have a special, secluded place where you meditate. A meditation room creates an environment in which it is easy to relax our bodies and minds. The perfect meditation room should reflect who you are. In designing the area, you should consider all the things you hold dear - your deepest dreams, passions and feelings. It should be a place to relax, renew and re-energize yourself. A place where you can breathe, think, feel, or just be. You can even think of it as the threshold between the spiritual and physical worlds.

While having your own meditation room may seem like a luxury, it is actually quite easy and affordable to create one of your own. A meditation room is meant to be a serene and calm, to serve as your own personal place of peace and tranquility. Although most of us can't afford to devote an entire room to meditation, it is quite possible to create a wonderful area to de-stress without a feng shui expert or interior designer. If you have an extra room, great! If not, any unused space where you are least likely to be disturbed will do. Simply choose from a balcony, garage, tool shed, attic, walk-in closet, basement, sunroom, or a quiet corner of your house. Even a chair on your porch or under a tree in your back yard will do. Just remember to keep in mind that the area should be quiet, clean, comfortable and clutter free. Once you designate an area, you are ready to start!

Here are 10 cheap and easy tips to design your very own, in-home meditation room:

1. Pick your favorite chair in the house and use it as your meditation chair exclusively. If you prefer to meditate on the floor, find a big, comfy cushion, a bench, or whatever you'd prefer to sit on. Place it in your meditation room. If your room has a window, seat yourself facing the window. If not, place your seat to your liking. The important thing to remember is that once you find a comfortable place for seating, you should keep it. While changing things around once in a while is fine, keeping the area familiar will keep the atmosphere relaxed, and keep you coming back.

2. Bring some of your favorite items into the space. Some good ideas might be photos of loved ones, a vase with fresh flowers or a favorite book. Anything is fine as long as it is not irritating to the eye and does not disturb your sense of peace.

3. Keep the area as empty and free of useless stuff as possible. It is definitely fine to have some of your favorite objects around, but clutter is never, ever calming.

4. If you are using a small corner of your home, putting up folding screens is a good way to make the space more personal. If you don't wish to invest in a screen, try a curtain or a sheet when you need privacy.

5. Lighting is important. While many prefer to use candles, some like to use a dim lamp. The light in your meditation room must not be bright unless it is natural sunlight. Use candles, a desk lamp, or even a floor lamp with a dimmer to create a lighting effect which is not dark enough to make you sleepy, yet dim enough to make you feel at ease.

6. Many people prefer to use items such as scented candles, incense or scented oils for aromatherapy while they meditate. I recommend these items for not only those who love aromatherapy but those who have trouble relaxing their minds. Concentrating on a scent is a good technique to distract your mind and find that place of inner calm.

7. Stereo systems and CD players are also great to have in your meditation room. There are many tapes and CDs created especially with the purpose of meditation in mind. There are various options to consider, such as rhythmic music, sounds of nature, chants or hymns. These sounds are not only designed to help you to relax, they're also great for drowning out the goings on of the rest of your household.
8. Do not, under any circumstances, bring your cell phone or laptop into your meditation space. The point is to disconnect and reflect, not to stay connected.

9. Keep some paper and pencils or pens around to write down whatever ideas may come to you while you are meditating. Oftentimes meditation can be an almost dreamlike state, making our ideas and reflections difficult to remember when we return to our regular state. Keeping some writing utensils handy will help you record your thoughts on the spot.

10. Keep the four elements of the Earth in mind when designing your space. Fire, water, earth and air are the four elements. They are just as essential to your space as they are to life. Air is already in your meditation room, so you need not worry about that. Candles will provide fire, and a cup of water can take care of the water aspect. For earth, consider a plant instead of a vase of flowers to bring life into your meditation room.
While creating your meditation room, remember to use your intuition. Your meditation room is your own sacred place. When you feel the worries of your day melt away as you enter your new space, you have successfully designed a meditation room of your own.

Sonya Arnold, Yahoo! Contributor Network
Sep 5, 2008 "Share your voice on Yahoo! websites

 

Meditation for Healing Our Emotions

A Meditation for Healing Our Emotions

I had followed a practice of regular meditation for quite some time before I began intensive healing work. Meditation quickly became a crucial aspect of that healing work itself. During all phases of healing, our emotions swirl and tumble like a stream racing over rocks. The daily practice of simply following my breath and letting the emotions come and go, neither fearing nor rejecting whatever came up, became a source of both stability and insight. When we are healing from childhood sexual abuse, we experience many difficult emotions—pain, grief for our lost childhood, anger and rage at the perpetrator or perpetrators and those who enabled them, and the shame, guilt and isolation that are the inevitable legacy of abuse. We need to be able to experience those emotions fully without being engulfed by them. I found that meditation helped me do that. With practice, we can learn to recognize emotions as changing currents that flow through us, rather than identifying with them and remaining stuck in them. See Many Paths Interfaith Ministries

We have paid

We have to understand that each opportunity to have something good happen to us or to have someone good love us is the universes way of showing us we are not broken or dirty or even bad. We are loved and should expect the best in our lives especially because we paid a great price through our abuse we do not owe the universe anymore for all the good it has to offer us so go out and claim all that is good for you. 

Proactive Parenting: Use These Tips to Help Prevent Children from ever Being Abused

Jill Starishevsky knows the horrors of child abuse better than most – she’s a prosecutor of child abuse and sex crimes in New York City. The mother of three is also the author of My Body Belongs To Me (www.MyBodyBelongstoMe.com), a children’s book intended to prevent child sexual abuse by teaching children that their bodies are their own.She shares the following 10 tips for keeping children safe from predators:

1. Safety in numbers. Find out what the policy is for one on one contact. Organizations can limit or eliminate the opportunity for abuse if there is a policy requiring a third person to be present (whether it is an adult or another child). In a sport such as tennis where there may not be a third person, parents should consider being present for the lessons.
2. Safe touching vs. unsafe touching. Have a discussion with your child about what types of touching are appropriate in that particular sport. With a contact sport such as football or wrestling, be explicit about what behavior is acceptable and what is not. Teach your child to come to you and ask questions if they are uncertain. Discuss whether there are other touches that you have not addressed.
3. Use a broad brush. While parents may have concerns about protecting their child from a coach, they should keep in mind that other children can be perpetrators of sexual abuse against a child as well. All lessons should apply to anyone who might touch the child inappropriately, whether adult or child.
4. No secrets. Period. Encourage your children to tell you about things that happen to them that make them feel scared, sad or uncomfortable. If children have an open line of communication, they will be more inclined to alert you to something suspicious before it becomes a problem. The way to effectuate this rule is as follows: If someone, even a grandparent, were to say something to your child such as "I'll get you an ice cream later, but it will be our secret", firmly, but politely say "We don't do secrets in our family." Then turn to your child and say "Right? We don't do secrets. We can tell each other everything." Secrecy is the most powerful weapon in a child abuser’s arsenal.
5. Identify a “safety zone” person. Teach your children that they can come to you to discuss anything, even if they think they will get in trouble. Convey to them that you will listen with an open mind even if they were doing something they should not have been doing. A safety zone person can be a neighbor, family member, religious official or anyone who your child feels comfortable confiding in should something happen to them and they are reluctant to discuss it with parents. The safety zone person should be advised that they have been chosen and should be instructed to discuss the situation with the parents in a timely manner. Keep in mind that child predators often “entice” their prey with something inappropriate such as allowing a child to watch an adult movie or miss school, letting them smoke a cigarette or drink alcohol. Children will often be reluctant to tell about inappropriate touching for fear they will get in trouble for the drinking or missing school. Explain to children that they if someone touches them inappropriately, they should tell the parent or the safety zone person, even if they did something that they were not allowed to do.
6. Teach your child the correct terms for their body parts. This will make them more at ease if they need to tell you about a touch that made them feel uncomfortable. Teaching children only the nicknames for their private parts can delay a disclosure. An 11-year-old who only knows the term hoo hoo for her vagina may be embarrassed to tell someone if she is touched there. If a 5-year-old tells her busy kindergarten teacher that the janitor licked her cookie, the teacher might give the child another cookie, not realizing she just missed a disclosure.
7. Practice “what if” scenarios. Say to your child, "What would you do if someone offered you a treat, or a gift when I wasn't there?" Help your child arrive at the right answer, which is to say no, and ask you first. Many parents also encourage children to walk or run away in this situation if the person is a stranger. Parents should note that giving a child a gift and asking them to keep it a secret is a very common step in the process of grooming a child for sexual abuse.
8. Teach children to respect the privacy of others. Children should learn to knock on doors that are shut before opening them and close the door to the bathroom when they are using it. If they learn to respect the privacy of others, they may be more likely to recognize that an invasion of their privacy could be a red flag meaning danger.
9. Let children decide for themselves how they want to express affection. Children should not be forced to hug or kiss if they are uncomfortable. Even if they are your favorite aunt, uncle or cousin, your child should not be forced to be demonstrative in their affection. While this may displease you, by doing this, you will empower your child to say no to inappropriate touching.
10. Teach children that No means No.
    Teach children that it is OK to say No to an adult. Without permission from you, many children may be reluctant to do so even if the adult is doing something that makes them feel uncomfortable. Teach children that all of these lessons apply to children as well. If another child is touching your child in a way that makes him or her uncomfortable, teach your child to say No, get away and tell someone. When someone tickles a child, if the child says No, all tickling should cease. Children need to know that their words have power and No means No.

Editor’s Note: This story is reprinted by permission of the author, Jill Starishevsky, and the National Alliance for Youth Sports’ SportingKid magazine, in which the story was published.
Also, check out Little League’s Parent Guide (PDF) on how to protect children from a potential child sex offender.

Survivor/Thriver stage 1 step 6: Anger (TRIGGER)

Anger is a natural reaction to child abuse. Yet survivors have a hard time managing anger. They veer between lashing out or over-controlling it, not knowing when it is appropriate and when it isn't, not knowing how to express themselves forcefully without overdoing it. You were no doubt angry as a child, but probably were not able to express the anger safely in your family. You may still be afraid of your anger because it may have been intricately connected to many of the bad things that hurt you. But bottling up your anger will also block your recovery because, without ventilation, the anger may turn into aggressive behavior.
Many survivors do not express their anger overtly. In addition to turning the anger inwards into anxiety, self-loathing and depression, many survivors develop habits that serve to cover over their anger and dull its impact. Compulsive eating, drinking, sexual activity and a host of other behaviors serve to blunt the anger as well as the pain, shame and isolation that arise from abuse. This kind of behavior - often called self-medicating in the case of alcohol or drug use - masks the underlying feelings and promotes a blustery, but often hollow, public image.If you have to express your anger to better manage it, the best strategy is to externalize it - that is, to get rid of it by discharging it outward. But do it safely, with maximum control, and direct it where it belongs: at your abusers. Of course, it is not always possible to do this, nor is it always advisable. […] Practicing how to express your anger and learning how to turn it on and turn it off will not only be therapeutic, but will also give you the skills to use your anger in appropriate ways in the real world.
1. If you have not already done so, make a list of techniques you can use to help you identify and manage your anger. For example, become aware of the body signals that tell you that you are starting to feel angry. Try to figure out what is making you feel this way. Is it something in the present or is it a replay of an old tape from your childhood? If you find yourself getting angry, take a "time out" and give yourself a chance to calm down. Call a friend or a hotline for help in figuring out what is triggering your anger.
2. There are many ways that you can safely express your anger on your own without hurting yourself or anyone else. One of the best ways is to engage in active sports where you can bash a ball: tennis, racquetball, baseball. Virtually any kind of physical activity such as aerobics or dancing will reduce your feelings of anger. You can write about the anger in your journal, exercise, go for a walk, scrub the floors - whatever will dissipate the anger in a safe manner. Other more direct expressions of anger are hitting pillows, screaming in your house or car (though not when driving) and learning martial arts or self-defense skills. Other more intellectual avenues include getting involved in public speaking and political marches and activities.
3. Write drafts of letters to your abusers expressing your anger with them. You can get a lot of the anger sorted out by writing long letters that detail every imaginable angle of your anger. Whether you send the letters or not is up to you. Sending these types of letters is considered a confrontation, so you will want to give this issue serious consideration.
Professional Help
1. Use your therapy sessions to explore using some techniques for expressing anger at your parents/abusers. Besides the "empty chair," psychodrama and other Gestalt therapy techniques that use role-playing and reenactment of family situations are especially powerful for survivors who want to practice expressing their anger toward their parents/abusers.

2. The major work of therapy during this stage is to develop a flexible control over your anger. Anger in itself isn't bad, but the expression of it can be harmful to you and to others around you, and so you need to learn to differentiate situations and responses to those situations. Identify situations where you lose control of your anger as well as situations where you need to use your anger more constructively to stand up for yourself. Work out new routines to handle your anger and then practice these routines in your therapy sessions before trying them out in your everyday life.

http://www.ascasupport.org/manual.php

Afghanistan’s ‘dancing boys’ are invisible victims - The Washington Post

The world can't heal if the children are damaged... Warning Trigger

Afghanistan’s ‘dancing boys’ are invisible victims - The Washington Post